I have birthdays that mark my progression.. New Years is another annual reminder that time is passing. But there is nothing and I repeat nothing that clarifies aging like the tale I am about to tell.
I have recommitted myself to fitness. I do this a lot, luckily for me I maintain a pretty healthy weight and eating habits. If things go south I'm going to tell a lot more fat jokes (due to my need to self deprecate). I'm on a good two week run of consecutive gym attendance right now and things are looking optimistic. Then again I have this weird habit that might not be so weird. Whenever I am working out like mad I also eat like.....well like........ let me show you something.
If you ever get the chance, try this one out. But instead of pedaling just push both feet down at the same time. Both up then repeat. It's a wicked good time.
Then I tried out a machine that looks like this:
You may have already guessed that I don't have a good visual memory and that I don't really recall what any of these machines look like. I blame the hypothetical pot I hypothetically smoked with my hypothetical friends in the land of Honalee. Point is, this final machine you had to pull on a bar or something and it lifted weight.
When I first sat down the person before me was clearly a spartan because they had a ridiculous amount of weight on there, but being the smarmy character I am I thought I would give it a pull to the audible amusement of my fellow gym goers. So I sat down and I pulled REALLY hard to the sound of my own grunting.
I have recommitted myself to fitness. I do this a lot, luckily for me I maintain a pretty healthy weight and eating habits. If things go south I'm going to tell a lot more fat jokes (due to my need to self deprecate). I'm on a good two week run of consecutive gym attendance right now and things are looking optimistic. Then again I have this weird habit that might not be so weird. Whenever I am working out like mad I also eat like.....well like........ let me show you something.
Yes that explains it. Working out gives me a terrible case of the Kobayashi's.
I digress. A case of the Kobayashi's is not why I have gathered words here today. This is a story about the time my slow decent in to a decrepit old state slapped me in the face at the gym.
It was a dark night. The cloud cover blocked the moonlight causing aforementioned darkness. It was a balmy 34 degrees also known as COLD AS SHIT. All was right in the world (not really). I waltzed into the gym like I do on any other night. Full of pep and spunk. I lifted here I lifted there. I did some slow methodical curls in front of the full length mirror with an impressive 15 pound dumbbell. Before you mock me remember I have the frail arms of a 12 year old girl. From Ethiopia.
I hit the machines. There's one that looks like this:
Then I tried out a machine that looks like this:
When I first sat down the person before me was clearly a spartan because they had a ridiculous amount of weight on there, but being the smarmy character I am I thought I would give it a pull to the audible amusement of my fellow gym goers. So I sat down and I pulled REALLY hard to the sound of my own grunting.
And that's when I pee'd a little