I am still in love with the idea of an arch nemesis. I use to Facebook about this a lot but no one was down for it. I'm still taking applications if you are interested. The only requirement is that we need to be opposites but I am willing to play either role you can be:
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| modernretrowoman.com |
This is great I can do almost none of the things pictured here. Anyone who personifies this would make a great arch nemesis for me. I cannot cook, I cannot combine the comfort of the casual button up flannel with the elegance of a pearl necklace and I cannot look interested in what someone is saying long enough to take a photo. Although......if you look at this picture long enough it is quite obvious she just said "would you shut the #$%^ up and get out of my kitchen? Have you ever been #$%^ slapped by a spatula?" Look at that clown in the background. This is a scary ass photo. Moving On.
OR you can be more like:
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| ohinternet.com |
Here is the one issue with this type of arch nemesis. According to all 900 self portraits on your Facebook and or MySpace you are always in your car or in your bathroom and I don't want to spend any time in either of those places so you are going to have to be willing to not just get ready for and drive to places you have to actually go. Don't worry you can continue to dress as if you are always on your way to a conjugal visit or club.
In reality you can be any "type" and I am sure we can make it work. I think we operate with a few basic ground rules such as broken bones, NO. stitches, we'll discuss. We can hammer out the details but I'm imagining through out the year we have a few scrapes and small encounters.
Picture this......you come home from work one day. You're tired. You just want to relax and go to bed. You open the fridge hoping to find the fixings for a simple dinner and BAM! a live chicken covered in BBQ sauce bursts out of the fridge. You drop to your knees and scream STACY!!!!!! There is BBQ and feathers and feces all over everything and you have to admit it's glorious. I go to work the next morning laughing only to discover you faked a pocket dial and left a lengthy drunken message on my boss's voicemail impersonating me calling him a twat. Which is so lame of you. It's not even creative. Do you know how hard it is to cover a live chicken with BBQ while it's in your fridge and leave no evidences? It took me three months to learn how to pick a lock. I had schematics, I dressed up like a ninja and I had to take care of a chicken for two weeks. Drunk dialing my boss was your big prank. You are pathetic. How did you get my bosses number?
These harmless shenanigans culminate in an annual showdown when one of us finally goes too far, LIKE GETTING ME FIRED! and then we end this thing once and for all. Because there can be only on highlander! Not really we just take the summer off.
I'm thinking something classy like:
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| collegecandy.com All I'm asking is that you think about it. Have you ever had someone ring your doorbell and run? Toilet paper your house? Then you think to yourself if I knew who was responsible I would get them back. Or have you ever said out loud "I think she did that on purpose." How would you like to know damn well I did? What are you gonna do huh? What are you gonna do? You gonna cry? Is that a taser? When did you get a taser? You pull the trigger on that and I swear....... |