Time to Blog! But it is 9-10ish PM and I have nothing to say. Actually I have quite a bit to say but nothing appropriate. I have 2 and 1/2 hours to blog or of course I get punched in the face by multiple people. I'm kind of blogging at gun point if you think about it.
What the hell was that supposed to represent? We learned a lot of things just now. One in the first we learned that it takes me a long time to draw a stupid picture because I am now down to one hour before massacre. Second, clearly I believe all violent offenders have giant ears and are not afraid to use them. Thirdly why did I draw a unicorn licking my ass? You know after further inspection there is actually nothing right about this picture. I have no chair and the laptop is levitating. My assassin is wielding a boomer rang. Good and Plenty - Is that my "there's a unicorn licking my ass" face? Is that the face I make? Or is that the face I think I make? Either way I'm ashamed. I need a few hours and a mirror because that needs immediate correction. Clear my schedule for the next four days.
What the hell was that supposed to represent? We learned a lot of things just now. One in the first we learned that it takes me a long time to draw a stupid picture because I am now down to one hour before massacre. Second, clearly I believe all violent offenders have giant ears and are not afraid to use them. Thirdly why did I draw a unicorn licking my ass? You know after further inspection there is actually nothing right about this picture. I have no chair and the laptop is levitating. My assassin is wielding a boomer rang. Good and Plenty - Is that my "there's a unicorn licking my ass" face? Is that the face I make? Or is that the face I think I make? Either way I'm ashamed. I need a few hours and a mirror because that needs immediate correction. Clear my schedule for the next four days.
This is clearly a better "there's a unicorn licking my ass" face. It's also the perfect "I play ping pong" face and passes in a situation where both are happening.
There is a long awkward silence needed here, let's acknowledge that together
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If you know me, you know that I attended two family functions today. Instead of giving a play by play I think it would be more fun to just list statements made and then refuse to give context. Anyone who can correctly identify things that were said by me gets a prize.
"Is that your taco or your daughters taco?"
"Oh my gosh you are so pregnant, and you're barefoot, and sort of in a kitchen. The holy trinity"
"He thinks it's blasphemy. Which is exactly why he doesn't have a Facebook"
"Alcohol prevents life. It creates it too. Happened to me four times. True story."
"When I'm staring at the back of your head - I can't help but think you're your mother"
"Can I eat wine for dinner?"
"This cup cake is so good it makes me think about Jesus"
"Tell the doctor to grease your vagina"
"You don't have to wash it once a day. Once a week is just fine."
"Shingles? I'm pretty sure those are hemorrhoids"
"Excuse me. I couldn't help but overhear your dismay, you were asking what kind of person didn't leave a tip. It was me. I didn't leave a tip."
"Where do I park my car?"
"You have several options, try the garage first."
"Sometimes I start talking about apples and then I'm out."
"Out of what?"
"Everything."
And that brings to an end my friggin fraggin Friday. I'm hoping my Saturday is more productive but I doubt it there is a football game at 1:30 and I have strong feelings about American Football and sobriety. They go together like PB&J. And by that I mean only appropriate for children.